Desolation

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think to myself the thoughts of depression, of suicide. I know it's ridiculous but I can't help myself especially with what is happening now. For years, I have been so confident in my grades and I had a strong bond with my teachers. This year, everything is so different. Different environments, extreme stress, and just plain different in my opinion. I feel like I was not ready to take on the challenge because no matter how much I try, no matter how much I put my best foot, it still is not enough.

For example, for my AP biology exam, I studied EVERYTHING the night before and I mean everything. All the notes, all the tests, all the lectures. I studied from 5-2 a.m. and woke up at 4:00 a.m. to study more; until 7:00 a.m. to be exact. Now let's calculate. That's exactly 12 hours. 12 hours!?!?!? NONSTOP. And for what grade? Yes, a C+. My grade went from a A- to a B+ and I am pretty sure how much more points are added, it will stay at a B+. And all my other classes. My grades decreased to A's or A-'s; right on the borderline. I have a strong disappointment in myself.

Each class, I feel like I am slipping no matter how much I focus on the material. For my favorite class in the entire world, ap biology, i am slipping bad and i understand the material but it's just not enough or not correct. I really don't know. With Apush, I study day and night, go through countless packets, listen to Castro day and nigh on my Ipod but it is just not enough. Every essay, every test, never increases a B. I don't understand. For english, I am losing my style in writing. I used to write so well; enunciation, style, and development. Everything was great in the past but then that one day I learned that I basically write NONSENSE. But I take the time to read my essays, to research. Guess 6 hours is not enough to write an essay.

The only class I am really confident is actually math. I started slipping in the middle of the semester but it all worked out as I built the grade from 82% to now 95%. It took time but I am proud. Just that class though.

I wonder what 2nd semester will be like. I am really really really unconfident in myself and I forever will be. However, I am going to try and try and try. But frankly, it is never enough. I am sorry for the people I have disappointed.

:(((

Kessler response #3

Cultural Considerations

“The loveliest faces are to be seen by moonlight, when one sees half with the eye and half with the fancy.” Persian proverbs are among the only figures of speech in my ethnic group and even family. Every time I feel lethargic or hopeless, my mother pummels me with Persian proverbs meant to soothe the heart and brain. Living in Iran, one must memorize every proverb written because it so common in the language. It is not slang nor a figure of speech that is whipped or tormented throughout centuries. Proverbs are held dear to every Middle Easterner and it is the mother language that unifies us no matter what country we come from. They may seem hackneyed to the naked eye but proverbs have a tendency to appear in a conversation. My mother has not lived a day without expressing a new proverb or rekindling the old ones. One of her favorites is “whatever is in the heart will come up to the tongue” because it is kind of her way of saying think before you speak. Even to this day, my family depends on the elation and accuracy of the proverbs to guide them through their lives. This phenomena only applies to my culture because Persian proverbs are not taught in schools. They are passed down from generation to generation and only the pure Middle Easterner’s vein carries the blood of unification. Since the dawn of Mesopotamia, the people have been scattered all around the world. They say that the only way to coalesce them is to utter a Persian proverb!

I use Persian proverbs at home and at family gatherings but I can not seem to teach nor discuss them with my fellow peers outside of my culture. Sometimes, I hesitate to say a Persian proverb because it might offend somebody. When I first moved to the United States, I was not aware of the fact that people did not understand my language. In my sixth grade English class, my teacher had invited a motivational speaker to talk about a new program offered in only elementary schools called D.A.R.E. This program educated children about drugs and how they can lead to hazardous problems. He told us that we should confide in our teachers if we ever get involved in a situation that seems threatening or confusing. Haphazardly, I raised my pale and scrawny arm in the air. The gentleman called on me and I said, “If the teacher be corrupt, the world will be corrupt.” The students, the gentleman, and the teacher stared at me; but my teacher kindly changed the subject. After class, she called me to her desk and told me that she was very offended at the fact that I was calling her a “bad teacher.” It was not my intention to direct the focus on on her or anybody else in the class. My only remark was that teachers are the foundation of the society; they provide education, guidance, and a parent relationship with the student. When a teacher is unethical, students will not receive the proper education and counsel. It was not my forethought to attack her; I was simply trying to make a point regarding the importance of teachers in a student’s life. This incident taught me to not utter a Persian proverb in public again because people did not relate to them.

The mysterious light

Calm and serene, it stands on the table waiting anxiously to be lit. Its soft body mesmerizes the dark night and waits to be cherished. It is the light of the day and the creator of possibilities. The supple sound from the crackle of the fire brightens the darkest hour and brings forth the hallelujah chorus. Crack, crack, crack, while the wind blows through it. Hot and mysterious, it holds a veil of truth behind its hind sparkle. The heat is a danger, causing the wax to trickle slowly down its body. Every touch leaves a mark and every light leaves an art. It reaches towards the stars; waiting relentlessly while its body melts away. Slowly but surely, it will die just like any other creature. No meaning, no happiness, just the fact that it is lit brings it one step closer to elimination. One blow from the wind tames the fire; a yellow and blue hue all mixed to form the perfect detonation. The flame vanishes away into the night and leaves behind a Genie's wish. Smoke leaves the premises and dissolves in the air, hoping to disperse throughout the room. Luckily, the air hugs the smoke like a child in its mother's arms and the candle is forever gone with the wind. The mysterious light will await its next adventure by night time.

Narrative essays

When an author writes a narrative essay, he or she is telling a story. Narrative essays are told from a point of view, often the writer's, so there is sensory details that is added within the story in order to get the reader involved in the sequence of the story. The narrative essay makes a point and that point is often told in the opening sentence but can also be found in the concluding paragraph.

Narrative essays are usually uncensored and uncut. This means that the author has the right to explain any event in his/her lifetime without being limited to one subject. The reader can actually relate to the author's words because he/she is describing a similar story. When I am reading a narrative essay of a fellow classmates, I feel as if a voice is speaking to me. The story takes on a different tone and my voice is no longer mine! I can read the pain in the story, the truth, and the feelings that jump out of the page. Each narrative essay is different because it describes a different story related to the author. One of the examples of a narrative essay is Thirty- Eight Who Saw Murder Didn't Call the Police. In this narration, the reader can quickly sympathize with Miss. Genovese, the victim. The screams, jeers, and complaints of a woman being slain in the streets is ignored on the night of March 14, 1964. It is shocking how thirty-eight individuals living in the apartments heard a woman screaming in the streets and yet disregarded her cry for help. The assailant approached her approximately three times in an hour period and murdered her fatally. There were numerous lights that went on when she first screamed but no neighbor cared to even call the police. A man threatened the assailant to leave her alone the first time but, he came back again to stab her; it was 3:20 a.m. It was 3:50 a.m. by the time the police received their first call from a man who was a neighbor of Miss Genovese, the victim in this crime. In two minutes, the police were at the scene. It is very mind boggling how an incident could have been prevented in a matter of minutes rather than waiting for about half an hour!

The second example and personally my favorite is the Indian Education. In this narration, Sherman describes his childhood from the first grade and beyond. The reader can see that Sherman is not afraid of being shunned from his society. He explains his struggles whether other people will like it or no. Sherman understands a child's pain while growing up and he uses this lesson to teach children to have their own voice. Life offers many hazardous roads along the way, but Sherman realizes that he must take control of his life no matter what happens. For many generations, Indians have been persecuted for their beliefs and actions. Their customs and traditions are different from us but aren’t we all different? Sherman Alexi shares his childhood experiences from the first grade all the way to high school and beyond. He describes the relationships with his teachers and friends. Every grade, the reader listens to Sherman’s pains and what he went through during his lifetime. Feeling tormented and abused by his friends in the first grade; his teacher accusing him of being an “Indian” as if it is a sin; and no freedom of expression in the third grade. As he gets older, Sherman learns of the miseries taking place in his life from his father drinking vodka everyday to his mother trying to finish quilts. Finally, in the fifth grade he finds comfort in basketball and drugs in his friend’s possession. Through middle school, he shares his story of meeting girls and kissing them for the first time. While at a school dance, a “Chicano” tells him that he is just like all the other Indian kids: “They start drinking real young.” Sherman explains, “sharing dark skin doesn’t necessarily make two men brothers.” After his high school graduation, Sherman receives honors from the school and looks forward to his future. However his former classmates look forward to drinking and partying for the rest of their lives.

Narration is a very important form of writing because it allows the author to take control; no censorship and no guard. The author expresses his feelings and is not afraid to spill out any emotions, just like real and raw writer.

Teachers

Teachers are the most amazing people in our lives. They are like our second parents because we spend half the day with them. Even on the weekends, we see them around shopping or picking up students. Last time when I saw Mr. Miclette in front of my complex, I was in complete shock. I mean I thought I would never see teachers outside of school that close. He was there picking up a student for a Track tournament and it felt so normal. I felt as if he was my father getting ready to go somewhere. It was really funny because there were no awkward pauses or weird moments. Even when my mother saw him, she just acted as if she had seen him so many times in her life.
Teachers are incredible. I am going to miss some of my teachers but I will definitely see them around next year. However, to Ms. Kirker, who has been one of my idols in life, I am going to miss you so much. You helped me write creatively and opened up a world of imagination for me that I had no dare to dream. Thank you so much for everything; for all the possibilities, for all the encouragements. A thousand Thank yous...

Not sure

So, I am not sure if I am supposed to be blogging still because I have exceeded that amount. Anyways, I am just going to write about this incredible year. First of all, I just wanted to congratulate everybody for stepping one step closer to graduation. There are so many students who won't be able to join us next year but they will forever be in our memories. You are not going far; just someplace where we won't be able to communicate effectively. However, you are still in this world, in this state, in this city or some place real close by. Please remember that no matter what happens, we will see each other again. I have been moving all my life but there has always been this promise in my heart. We will see each other again. No matter how impossible this sounds, it is possible. Some how, some way we will see each other again. This is my promise to anybody who is moving. Do not cry because tears are for those who are departing our lives forever. Tears are not needed because we will see each other again. Let's just make these last four days the best days of our lives.

The end

Wow, can you believe that we are at the last nine days of school! Seriously, we have nine days of school left couting finals (Seniors have only about five days left). My goodness, where did the time fly? When school resumes, every student begins to complain about the fact that the year is too long and there are so many days left. In fact, I remember walking through the halls and thinking, "when will school be over already." Now, I am thinking, "where did the days go by?" It's so amazing because when you think about it, time is really slow. In my SAT class a few weeks ago, the teacher tried to show us how long a minute was while he was telling us a story. Standing there, I felt like a minute would be up in just a whizz but actually it felt pretty long. I guess when you are having fun, time is jealous. It tries to pass the time quickly so you can go back to worshipping it and staring at its long and beautiful hands. Wow, what a conceited inanimate object! Well, time, you certainly know how to turn a young person into their worst nightmare: old. Certainly, my mother curses at you but right now I curse you for allowing good moments in life pass by so quickly. I wish there was a time police! This way, time would never speed again.

Soccer

My family are crazy soccer fans. I mean, seriously, everybody in my family knows everything about soccer. From the strategies, to the downs, to the kick-offs, and to the curses, they basically worship soccer. When I was seven-years-old, my mom's cousins used to come over to our house to watch Spain play against some other country for the World Cup. My younger cousins and I used to imitate them by slapping our knees or shouting at random objects for no reason. It was amazing having to see them cheer, clap, cry, or even dance. My grandmother's brother would never ever dance because he always assumed that dancing was a sin in the Bible. So, one time I remember walking through the door and having to see him dance around the table snickering at his sons. Even though I was really young, I could still remember every moment of those amazing family get-togethers. So, anyways, yesterday I had to attend a soccer game at the Santa Clara University soccer stadium. The game lasted for 90 minutes and I am proud to say that the San Jose Earthquakes won 2-1. Yay, go San Jose!!! The highlight of the game was when the soccer ball richocheted off the field and traveled right in my direction. If it wasn't for the obsessed fan in front of me, I would have caught the ball! Maybe next time...

Thank you

Giving. A magical word that can save thousands of lives and rescue even more. It always feels good to give back to your community and watch the smiles on their face. Every can, every dollar, and every cloth, helps a child no matter where he/she lives or what condition they are in. I would love to see millions of cans of food in a pantry just waiting to save a little girl in Morocco or a little boy in Iraq. We all know that world hunger is a crisis that every man and every woman must be involved in in order to decrease the statistics. So, please do your part by donating food to your nearest food bank. Not only does it feel good to share your lunch, but it actually makes a difference. I, myself, sometimes buy cans from a grocery store and do not feel like I've made that much of a difference in anybody's life. However, handing the cans of food to the lady behind the counter in the food bank, I can hear the words again. "God bless you!" "Thank you very much!" "You have helped us by getting closer to ending world hunger." Isn't that a splendid feeling? I don't know about you but my tears turn into tears of joy when I hear these words in one's mouth. Please remember to do your part! Share your lunch and help us by getting a step closer to ending this pandemic crisis. And for those who have taken the time to donate their meal, I would like to thank you for your donations.

News

So, while I was writing my previous blogs, I noticed something interesting. There is a font option that read webdings. I was not sure what this font was and so I decided to follow this option. Here's what happened:

I have a sentence from my previous blog in Arial:

I wish....

I could be strong

I could smile without being hurt

I could be a shield

rather a mirror

not a glue.

You could say 

all you wanted

all you desired

all you wished

while I stood there;

deaf,

blind,

insensitive,

and determined.

Now, here's what happened in Webdings:

Now let's see it in webdings:

I wish....

I could be strong

I could smile without being hurt

I could be a shield

rather a mirror

not a glue.

You could say 

all you wanted

all you desired

all you wished

while I stood there;

deaf,

blind,

insensitive,

and determined.

That's quite interesting!!!

That's quite interesting

I wish for this

I wish....

I could be strong

I could smile without being hurt

I could be a shield

rather a mirror

not a glue.

You could say 

all you wanted

all you desired

all you wished

while I stood there;

deaf,

blind,

insensitive,

and determined.

I wish...

I could eliminate

the pain,

the tears,

the loss,

the fake smile

to let you know that I was not hurt.

I am strong and forevermore will I be.

So, what I wish...

I wish you the best of luck for you are not the predator. Just a weak, defenseless creature trying to bury your depression. 

How rude!!!!

On Friday, I was feeling pretty emotional because of an incident that took place during lunch. Later on in sixth period, my world began to crash when my friends and I got into an argument. I could not sustain my anger during the whole conversation. So, I began to let out all my emotion; anger, depression, tearful, and happy. I could not stop crying during sixth period because my moods were not being controlled. It was a miserable day! However, my day was even more terrible when a couple of teenagers blurted out a hurting sentence. So, it all began when I was hanging out with everybody at the car wash. Navjot was standing farther away from me near the gas station. I, on the other hand, was standing by the stop light holding a poster that read "Car Wash." Minding my own business, I was waving the sign towards passing cars to attract attention. I was a little tired and my body felt really weak. My head was throbbing with pain and the sun was shining directly in my face. I was unprepared for the car wash and developed sun stroke after a few hours. So, a car full of teenagers (possibly twenty-year olds) passed me by. This teenager near the passenger's side had his window down. He stuck his head out and uttered the most rude, provoking, wounding, sorrowful, and ignorant comment.

"You are ugly as f***! You should not be holding a sign! [in the midst of the frenzy, I also recalled him saying something about] "being an outcast in society." 

All I could do at the moment was stare at the ground and allow time to drown me in my sorrow. Immediately, I dropped the poster, crossed the street and yelled Navjot's name. Like an amazing, supportive, kind, and incredible friend, Navjot asked me what happened. For a second, I felt like a little child lost in the woods and ran into Navjot's arms. I just started to cry and did not know why. No way was I hurt by the comments but I was hurt by the fact that I could not do anything. I could not curse at them for they might have had a gun nor could I allow the words to be blocked. I stood there, dumbfounded, crying in her arms. 

Well, I am just writing this blog in order to appreciate a phenomenal friend. Navjot, I am so sorry for drenching your shirt with my tears and I am so sorry for bringing you down. Thank you for being there for me. You are a great friend!

Heat

Ice, ice-cream, water (icy, cold), popsicle sticks, and a camera. That's all you need to cool off the hot weather. Today at about 1:20, we realized the thermometer had risen all the way to 115 degrees. Every time we stepped out into the sun, we could feel the heat melting away our skin. I could feel my body cursing me for the time I was spending time outdoors. It wasn't really under direct sunlight but the heat waves always found their way onto my skin, onto the pavement, and near the curb. No fan, no A.C, no other means of cooling off. I remembered the time when my family and I visited the villages of Iran. My grandparents had grown up there during the late 1930s. I wanted to see their house, their life, and basically where they first began our generation; this generation. As we were walking in the streets of the village, I could feel the sun greeting me with one of her warmest hugs. She was squeezing the breath out of me and I wondered what the temperature was. At the time I did not understand how thermometers work but I recall the numbers 130. 130 degrees! Dehydration became my friend in the busy streets of this village (a name that I can neither pronounce or spell). My heart was beating fast and my breath was quick and heavy. I remember closing my eyes as the heat waves drifted across my face burning it. This feeling was very, very familiar today. 

Movies

Today Anh, Rachel, Isaac, and I were shooting a movie for The Color Purple. We weren't filming in direct sunlight but boy, were we tired. I remember when after the first few scenes, we all collapsed on the chair and began to refill our waters. It was a disaster but a perfect moment for our movie. Since this book takes place in the South, the weather is always warm especially during the summer. It's hot and people are constantly wearing loose clothes in order to cool themselves off. I would have to say that Anh, Rachel, and Isaac were great actors and actresses. They really fit into the character and delivered an amazing performance. Actually, we were having difficulty trying to stop Isaac from laughing but it was okay. Sorry, Isaac about the comment I made. You know I was just trying to make you sad for the movie. One of the highlights of making the movie was drawing blood lines/scars on Anh's face. She was portraying an abused woman who is trying to find her sister. We placed ketchup all over her face, thanks partly to me and used red lipstick all over face. It was hilarious but worth it. I think that it is going to be a great movie!

By the way, we have a lot of bloopers. I love the part where we are just sitting down at the table acting silly. You know, Isaac, a spitting contest would have been perfect but I think I kind of won. In a way! Even though the weather was a burden, I still had fun shooting a successful movie. 

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

Their dream

Awww, why are they so darn cute? Every time I see a child's face, I can honestly read his or her mind. For example, a child was walking into a store with her mother and I could see him from a distance. As soon as she saw a box of candy with a picture of Hannah Montana's face, she immediately asked her mother to buy it. Of course, her mother replied, "no." At that instant moment, she began to pout her lips and cry bitter tears. They streamed across her face and she began to wail uncontrollably. How does my mind-reading really fit into all of this? Well, when we first entered the store, I saw the same candy with a picture of Hannah Montana. "I bet that a child preferably a girl will be crying over this box of candy." When the little girl passed us crying, my mother said, "Hannah Montana." Well, there you go another innocent child crying over a box of candy that can lead to obesity, diabetes, as well as cavities. Every time my little cousin cries over a bar of Twix, I give her my lecture of how obesity is the number 1 problem Unites States citizens are concerned about. It is a pandemic issue! She widens her eyes and begins to ask me all sorts of questions. Not that I don't enjoy her curiosity, but she hardly ever takes any advice. Right after my impending speech, she immediately runs to her mother and asks her for chocolate. My aunt gives her the chocolate bar she requested. Well, at least I gave it a try.  I think that next time I am just going to steal the candy from her. As much as she cries, wails, or curses I will not give her the chocolate bar. However sometimes I can be quite the patsy. I'll just try to hold my ground for once. 

This life

What is the difference between good and evil? Humans are not the ones to answer this question because we all have a little bit of righteousness and mischievous in all of us. Nobody's perfect and this is why evil can sometimes overpower us. Now, I can't really describe the difference between these two characteristics without using religious terminology and I am sorry for doing this but it is the only way I can really explain the amidst taking place here. Evil is conducted by the devil or in the case of the Exorcism of Emily Rose, the six voices; Lucifer being the leader. Now, this is the religious term. The non-religious term is actually our mind. Like Plato once said "our senses deceive us" and because of this, "we are like prisoners in a cave". It's interesting how our mind can sometimes think and lead us into a situation where the unspeakable can happen. Like murdering a person! What goes on in the minds of a serial killer when they are about to shoot their victim? Ohhhhh (shudder) I don't really want to know. However, our conscious mind is the devil.Now, the ethical part of this situation is our heart. I believe that this is so because sometimes our mind can overpower our heart. Deep down we feel that we need to approach this situation calmly but up here, we think that the only way to approach this situation is with exasperation. Some people rarely follow their heart and allow the mind to control the circumstances. It's true that the brain is the central nervous system and without it functioning properly, we would be paralyzed. However, the heart is even more significant because without it we would be dead. I think that it is better to be paralyzed than dead. Don't you agree? Good vs. evil is a very difficult assumption because there is actually no right or wrong answer. All responses are welcome....

Liar

Have you ever lied before? Of course, we have all lied before in our lives but to a mother, it's difficult. I mean it is impossible to lie to my mother! Every time I think about lying to her, my hands start to shake and my breath feels heavy. It's beyond difficult and I can't seem to control it. 

A few weeks ago, my friends and I wanted to go to the mall. Well, the only problem was that we wanted to take the light rail to the mall. Hesitantly, I called my mother telling her that I was going home in my aunt's car. She could hear the tremble in my voice and immediately asked me if I was lying. Again, I could not lie to her! Impossible, impossible, impossible. "Um," and then it spilled out like a river flowing through a stream. Of course she wasn't mad or anything but boy did I get a mouth full. At the moment she was occupied and she allowed me to go to the mall with my friends. However, she called me every single minute to see if "I was having fun." Of course, she was calling to make sure that I was okay. That I wasn't kidnapped or God forbid dead. It's crazy but she is really really overprotective. I don't mind but there's a point were enough is enough. Try telling her that! So, to reduce anger in the house, I just try to listen to her and follow the rules. Whatever you want as long as you never fight! 

Mother's Day

Well, I just wanted to wish every mother a happy Mother's Day. I hope everybody is spending time with his/her mother. Also, helping them by cleaning the house or just waiting for them hand and foot. Unfortunately, my mother is working all day today! So, I am just going to clean our room and make her favorite dinner. Then when she comes home, she can just relax while I serve her the whole entire time. 

Mothers. Mothers are beautiful, kind, supportive, amazing, great, and every other word in the book. They are the wind beneath your wing, the apple of your eye, and the smile on your face. Sometimes I may fight with my mother but it's only for my sake. "Just the good of the family," she says. My family and I are her everything no matter what takes place in life. Life is difficult as it is but her support and kindness is beyond miraculous. The world is a scary place but her smile melts all the worries away. I love her and I just wanted to take the time to say this. My mother is my everything. Fights are common in my family but in the end of the day, everything works out. All we have to do is to look in each other's eyes and we both know what to say next. "I am sorry." 

That's all it takes.

Beauty

Frankly, beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. A person's point of view about beauty or anything majestic is not to be taken from another's words. It must be sensed and felt by oneself because the feeling of seeing something extraordinary is fantastic. Do not take on the assumption that as long as somebody says it's beautiful, then it is beautiful. Some people believe that a women's body should take the shape of an hourglass figure. However, all women come in different shapes and sizes and they are all beautiful. You mustn't judge art or character because of their appearance or shape but by the meaning it prevails. I can look at a drawing and think that it is just lines and shapes. However a person will find it fascinating for the color and lines represent a meaning so remarkable. Beauty. In other words, a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form that pleases the senses. Isn't this true? 

Birthday

For some, birthdays are the best time of the year and it's the most exciting event that takes place in your life. In fact, for children birthdays are the best gifts of life because everything on that day will be perfect and it is definitely worth celebrating. They will receive toys of all kinds and just can't wait to play with them for that occasion only. After playing witht the toys just once, they will either hide them under their bed forever or it will end up in the pile of "garbage". Now, for teenager it is the most important event in their life because they are one step closer to becoming independent. That beautiful car they always wanted or that amazing sweet sixteen they plan to throw. However, birthdays can also be the worst event in your life. In actuality, some adults can't wait until it is over. It is described as the "worst day in my life" because you are one step closer to being OLD.
It's my cousin's birthday today and I decided to give him a call and wish him a happy birthday. He lives in Germany and is two years younger than me. Funny story; when I called him, there were noises in the background and jeers taking place. He was having a birthday party with his closest friends. I was telling him how he was getting closer to owning a car and becoming independent but in a good way. He turns to me and says, "Now you have ruined my birthday!" I thought he would be excited but he said that every birthday "I feel as if I am one year younger not older." I thought that was a very ironic situation and wanted to share this story with you. I mean we feel as if every birthday will draw us closer to being older but in fact, every year on our birthday we tend to act silly and let loose. That one day is just an excuse to being happy and counting your blessings. You may not feel this way the next day but you know deep in your heart, you are lucky to be alive.

Cannot be

Every memory,

Every dream,

Every treasure, and

Every joy.

The wind beneath my wings,

The butterflies in my stomach,

The cupid that follows me everywhere,

and lastly

The smile

I remember a day better than no other;

A day to be cherished

A day to be excited about

A day above all days

It is a day when I was free

Free to speak my mind

Free to fly with the wind

Free to vote and prosper

Free to do the impossible.

My bliss and my ecstasy

Belief in the unimaginable.

I am not forgotten

yet I feel strong

dedicated

responsible

helpful

I am the bird

Free 

Excited

Clean

Clear

unchained

uncensored

unforgotten

A beauty within the worm's home.

Children

Awww, why are they so darn cute? Every time I see a child's face, I can honestly read his or her mind. For example, a child was walking into a store with her mother and I could see him from a distance. As soon as she saw a box of candy with a picture of Hannah Montana's face, she immediately asked her mother to buy it. Of course, her mother replied, "no." At that instant moment, she began to pout her lips and cry bitter tears. They streamed across her face and she began to wail uncontrollably. How does my mind-reading really fit into all of this? Well, when we first entered the store, I saw the same candy with a picture of Hannah Montana. "I bet that a child preferably a girl will be crying over this box of candy." When the little girl passed us crying, my mother said, "Hannah Montana." Well, there you go another innocent child crying over a box of candy that can lead to obesity, diabetes, as well as cavities. Every time my little cousin cries over a bar of Twix, I give her my lecture of how obesity is the number 1 problem Unites States citizens are concerned about. It is a pandemic issue! She widens her eyes and begins to ask me all sorts of questions. Not that I don't enjoy her curiosity, but she hardly ever takes any advice. Right after my impending speech, she immediately runs to her mother and asks her for chocolate. My aunt gives her the chocolate bar she requested. Well, at least I gave it a try.  I think that next time I am just going to steal the candy from her. As much as she cries, wails, or curses I will not give her the chocolate bar. However sometimes I can be quite the patsy. I'll just try to hold my ground for once. 

The Beat of my Heart

"Hate is such a strong." Seriously, it's never been in my vocabulary before but lately I have been using it quite often. Well, technically it's this person in my life and I just can't seem to comprehend the fact that there is something taking place behind my back. I mean a couple of years ago, I didn't even know this person and now he is going to come back into my life. In fact, a few days ago, I heard this news about this person's recent travel and he might be coming to the United States. I haven't seen him in such a long time and he "wants to see me." This hatred in my heart has been exceeding beyond belief and I feel like the fuel is being added. Uncontrollably I am calm and I can't believe it. I mean I hate this person with all my heart, soul, and being. He is the reason behind all my failures and all my distress. There is no commiseration left in my heart for him and yet I am serene? It's ridiculous but I somehow understand this "excitement" you might say. I have been hiding so long and I guess it's time to forget about all the abomination. I guess one can say I'm okay. It's okay to be unkind, it's okay to lie, it's okay to betray as long as you make it up in the end. If this person is willing to apologize and move on, there wouldn't be any hatred left. This is a weird analogy but I think it's like mowing the lawn. You have all this grass overgrown and overflowing but taking the time to mow the lawn makes the meadow look absolutely breathtaking.

I don't hold grudges but if this person fails again, I never ever going to forgive him. There are no third chances in my book and if he can't then it's over. You have no idea how much I have waited for this moment. I mean I may deny it once in a while and act stubborn but deep down I feel different. There's this butterfly in my stomach and every time it hears of a "second chance," it begins to flutter. Spreading its wing and flying through the open space. I believe I need to give the butterfly more space and more comfort. So, I'll wait patiently for more news were peace will be at my door steps. There's a chance...

The Giver's Gift

When I was in seventh grade, my English teacher made us read this book titled The Giver. Now, I am not sure if anybody has read this book before or not so I am going to provide the gist. This novel written by Lois Lowry is about an utopian town that takes preliminary steps to rid one of pain. Any kind of pain. The protagonist in this book, Jonas, is selected to inherit the position of Receiver of Memory in his town. "As Jonas receives the memories from the previous receiver-the 'Giver'- he discovers how shallow the people in his community have become." In fact, the community retains the process of eliminating pain or emotion by using pills. To them, emotions, mainly romantic love and sexuality is a dystopian. They refer to these feelings as "Stirring." I mean they believe that love will cause pain and it should therefore be eliminated. So, when you think about it every human being in this town does not experience the emotion of LOVE. What's a world without love???
Well, in my English class, we decided to hold a debate on whether or not our world should be loveless. Without picking my team or side, my teacher put me in the group where we had to convince him that our world should be loveless. Arguing a point that you don't feel passionate about proved to be quite a challenge for me. However, I was able to come up with pretty good reasonings and win my case. I remember saying that love causes more trouble than contentment. Love is the one who drives two couple to get married and love is the one who betrays them and leaves them stranded. A child all alone, loveless. Love always results in hatred. In any case, when you think about it, this is true. However, I certainly did not feel passionate about any of my arguments. Then again, life is not always fair! Love is strong and love is beautiful. I could not possibly imagine a world so weak without love.

I feel this way?

I just want one wish. This one wish is to fly away from my chores and duties just one day in my life. To listen to the birds sing their little heart out and not have to worry about anything. I want to kick back in my room and listen to music all day and long. Dance the night away without having to worry about the endless packets. To run away and sleep under the stars any where near the mountain or the lake. I want to drive all the way to Arizona or even San Diego to see my family and cherish the moments. The desire to wipe away a child's tears and tell her that everything is actually going to be okay. To stop the lies and rumors once and for all. I want to sit on a cloud and sleep the night away under her calm tears. I want to follow the rainbow and find a pot of gold settling down under her majestic arms. However, the only wish that I have right now is to finish these blogs and finish all the homework. I want to escape to a world of wonder and joy. To forget the pain in my arm, leg, and heart. I want to rescue myself from the countless gossip at school and at home. Tiring, restless, and tearful, I want to be the girl with her head held high and her sadness filled with joy. Just be calm and watch the fish fly freely in the ocean. However, my last and final wish is to sit by the ocean. To allow the waves to hug my feet and welcome me for another day. I want to follow her and listen to her stories. To be rescued and to live a life of worry-free. I have only one wish that turns out to be a wish with thousands of branches. I have only one wish?!?!?

Talk more about it...

"Risk - if one has to jump a stream and knows how wide it is, he will not jump. If he doesn't know how wide it is, he'll jump and six times out of ten he'll make it."

Sometimes when I hear my mother's proverbs, I can't help but think what exactly the theme is. Well, first we read it twice. Okay, so what this proverb is saying is that when you know the width of a stream, you will not jump because you are afraid of falling. However when you jump across the stream blindly he'll jump and make it. If you know the consequences of a cause or decision, you will not take this dangerous risk. However, if you do not  know the consequences of a decision; you will definitely not take the risk. You are making the right decision; right?!? WRONG. Life is about taking risks. You should never focus on the negative side of an issue or allow a downfall to get in your way. The person has a road all to herself/himself. This person will walk to road visiting every fork, every sign, and every rest stop filled with countless of opportunities. What happens if the person realizes the opportunity has an unintentional result? He or she will, without a doubt, leave the opportunity alone for it will change the person's life forever. Now in a real situation, this is difficult. Sometimes, in a real situation it's perplexing to not think about the impossible. I mean you are in a position were you must find a way to fix a problem but it's rather impossible. True story: Imagine you have been selected to attend a university of your choice. The first university has your major and everything possible for this career of yours. It's perfect except for one minor mishap; you don't a full scholarship to attend this university. On the other hand, the other university does not have your major in mind but provides a full scholarship for four years. Now, which will you pick? You know the problems and you know the solutions to the problems. Me, I would pick the first choice. The reason why is because I refuse to allow money to get in my way and I want to accomplish my dream no matter what. You can't select a choice just because there are no risks involved. In fact, a choice must be filled with risks because this way you will learn from your mistakes. That's life; living in the fast lane. Not dismissing the lane just because you are scared of driving fast. 

Resting time

Well, this spring break was quite relaxing. Take some time all to yourself to read a book and sit in your room. For the past few weeks, I have been sleeping about 4-5 hours a day and it was quite unhealthy for me. So, this week I slept for 8 hours a day (just as recommended). I enjoyed some of my leisure time even though some days got to be pretty hectic. However, it's time to go back to the work, to the labor, and to the worry. I regret not going to Santa Cruz over spring break because the people who could drive me there were all "busy." Oh, how I wished to visit the heavenly waves and the beauty tit provides for mother nature. I would have loved to see the seagulls crying their guts out, searching for food. I wanted to sit on the sand and feel the warmth of the rocks against my feet. However, I spent the time with my crazy cousins and their ridiculous behavior. I watched some of the craziest movies and enjoyed each minute of our time together. Now, why is it that I regret not going to Santa Cruz? A joyous moment with my family or a selfish desire to visit mother nature. I think I made the right choice but self-desire tends to make us crazy. 

Just a few more

Here's just a few more Persian Proverbs my mother wants me to remember in the future. She is very strict, as you can see.

* "A broken hand works, but not a broken heart.

* The wise man sits on the hole in his carpet.

* Do little things now; so shall big things come to thee by and by asking to be done.

* A bad wound heals but a bad word doesn't.

* Once I had the strength but no wisdom, now I have the wisdom but no strength.

* Forget not Death, O man! for thou may'st be Of one thing certain - he forgets not thee

* Tis the same to him who wears a shoe, as if the whole earth covered with leather.

* It is nothing for one to know something unless another knows you know it.

* He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool, shun him; He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a child, teach him. He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep, wake him. He who knows, and knows that he knows, is wise, follow him.

* I murmured because I had not shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

* Every man goes down to his death bearing in his hands only that which he has given away.

* Silence betokens consent.

* What fear has he whose account is clean?

* He who has been bitten by a snake fears a piece of string.

* Good poets are like angels of Heaven."

Mama's words of wisdom

From mother to daughter, there are always a couple of paraphernalia that are passed down from generation to generation. In my family, proverbs are passed down; Persian proverbs to be exact. My mother always says, "when you get married, I want you to always cherish these words. Perhaps you should pass them down to your own children as well." Well, I just wanted to share a few of these Persian proverbs with you. Some are pretty funny!

* "Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake.

* Whatever in the heart will come up to the tongue. (how true)

* Thinking is the essence of wisdom.

* In the hour of adversity be not without hope For crystal rain falls from black clouds.

* By a sweet tongue and kindness, you can drag an elephant with a hair.

* A stone thrown at the right time is better than gold given at the wrong time.

* When the cat and the mouse agree, the grocer is ruined.

* Risk - if one has to jump a stream and knows how wide it is, he will not jump. If he doesn't know how wide it is, he'll jump and six times out of ten he'll make it.

* Courteous men learn courtesy from the discourteous.

* The loveliest faces are to be seen by moonlight, when one sees half with the eye and half with the fancy.

* There are four things every person has more than they know; sins, debt, years, and foes.

* One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it

* He who wants a rose must respect its thorns.

* If the teacher be corrupt, the world be corrupt.

* Luck is infatuated with the efficient.

* Treat your superior as a father, your equal as a brother, and your inferior as a son.

* The best memory is that which forgets nothing, but injuries. Write kindness in marble and write injuries in the dust.

* When the tide of misfortune moves over you, even jelly will break your teeth.

* Go and wake up your luck.

* Children are the Bridge to Heaven."

¿Qué sucedió?

My heart was carved into a steel.

What happened?

My life was perfect.

What happened?

You said you would always be there for me.

What happened?

You said that I was your everything.

What happened?

You told an innocent girl you loved her.

What happened?

You told her she was beautiful

worthwhile, calm, interesting, exotic

What happened?

You rescued her from a beast, a disease,

an immortal soul.

What happened?

You took her breath away and danced 

into the night. 

You held her close to your heart.

What happened?

A stranger, a mystery, or a truth.

Your love, kindness, and generosity 

was much appreciated.

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

You took advantage of her.

You ripped her into shreds.

You made her tears a permanent drought.

YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU.

Que sucedio porque todovia estoy en amor con usted?

My favor

Someone once said, "helping is contagious." In fact, help forms in a variety of ways and is appreciated all over the world. Being able to lend a hand and take the time to make a difference in the world is beyond kindness. Growing up in a time of desperation and need, I experienced this at a very young age. Hunger swept like a hurricane into our lives and destroyed every refuge in our hearts. I was only 5-years-old and could not comprehend the fact that food was scarce. There was nothing to do and nowhere to turn. One day we heard a knock on our door. My mother opened the door and began to laugh hysterically. The strangers introduced themselves as the volunteers of the United Nations wanting to help us. They provided us with food and took care of us while we were there. I will never forget their help, kindness, and time because without them my family would never survive. Now, there are countless of families who are struggling to make ends meet and in desperate need of food. Certain organizations like the Second Harvest Food Bank is lending a hand to all these families. It doesn't matter what your income, orientation, or race is. This organization helps everybody and does not discriminate against anybody. There are over 175,000 families who are relying on Second Harvest Food Bank to feed their family and protect their loved ones from this economic crisis. An epidemic that destroys every life, every family, and every house it touches.

Misery

Wow, I have just noticed that every one of my blogs has a very intense mood. My previous blog was about the heart and the mind continuously fighting with one another. Danielle left a comment on this blog and I suddenly realized how much sadness I was throwing out to the crowd. I mean sometimes when you are feeling down, every minute of each moment is spend drowning yourself down and pitying yourself. This definitely describes my attitude because I usually drag my friends down with me when I am feeling miserable. I realize this mistake and take full responsibility of every heartache I cause in the crowd. However, blogging helps me release all the angry out of my body and translate it into a positive atmosphere. Somehow?!?!? I was reading this story about a man who spent all his lifetime trying to figure out a cure for emotional sickness or misery. He did not understand the reason as to how our body could suffer through this damaging trauma without even controlling it. Unfortunately, he found no cure and decided to give up on his dream. However, I would love to research further into this dilemma and really ponder about this question. Why do we feel miserable? What is it in us that causes us to feel so down? Who or what could possibly allow this to happen? A question left unanswered...

The mistake

Have you ever had this piercing pain in your heart that you just couldn't explain? Well, I have. My breath is hoarse and my body feels fragile. It's so hard to keep your eyes open because the weakness is overwhelming your senses. I am standing on my feet, ready and armed, but my legs are like two sticks in the wind. They will obey the wind's control and will seek a better justice. I can't seem to comprehend the fact that I am alone. I am alone. There's nothing beside me, nobody to lean on, and no where to go. I need guidance, shelter, and comfort. A stranger, a lover, or a seeker. No matter what I do and where I go, I just can't seem to reason with myself. My heart is my adversary and my knowledge is my best friend. Or is it the other way round?!?!? They can never seem to make up their mind on any subject or topic. Taking me to a world of abstinence and granting me a wish I could never bear. A false accusation or a truthful morality. Why must they torture me so? Is it so humorous to play with a young girl's soul? You, heart, pretend as if I am a child being ridiculed for her mistakes. You think that I can't handle the very role of adulthood. You pretend as if I am nothing and nobody can feel this pain you eject inside my body. Protecting me is not what you do. Wreaking havoc is what your profession is my friend. And you, brain, how could you be so self-centered? How could you pretend that the world revolves around you? You are just another person in this miserable state trying to live by the rules. 

My heart and brain, two childish beings trying to protect me from the world's thunderous slashes. Let me be! I don't want to think, I don't want to feel because every time I do so, my body feels weak. It's difficult, very difficult to obey two very dissimilar creatures who abominate one another. I can't trust you heart for you bring false accusations in my life. I can't trust you brain for you take away my only weapon: How to be a child again. A mistake I regret not following.

Last and final

I want to share with you another poem that I wrote in the fifth grade. This one is about secrets. Again, please don't mind the hackneyed expressions because I was only about 10 years old.

SECRETS

What is it that leaves

you guessing and leads you

to trouble.

Secrets are a disease

that will never let go.

They always find a way

to capture the unspeakable

and haunt the night away.

Sometimes secrets can be

one of your best friends but,

will betray you somehow.

It has a way of coming out

and stepping into someone's

Mind.

It always helps you during

tough times and never shares

it with someone.

However it is you that throws

it all out in front of

People.

It can be spreader like a virus

and is controlled by you!

You can be the cause of this!

1 wish

I just want one wish. This one wish is to fly away from my chores and duties just one day in my life. To listen to the birds sing their little heart out and not have to worry about anything. I want to kick back in my room and listen to music all day and long. Dance the night away without having to worry about the endless packets. To run away and sleep under the stars any where near the mountain or the lake. I want to drive all the way to Arizona or even San Diego to see my family and cherish the moments. The desire to wipe away a child's tears and tell her that everything is actually going to be okay. To stop the lies and rumors once and for all. I want to sit on a cloud and sleep the night away under her calm tears. I want to follow the rainbow and find a pot of gold settling down under her majestic arms. However, the only wish that I have right now is to finish these blogs and finish all the homework. I want to escape to a world of wonder and joy. To forget the pain in my arm, leg, and heart. I want to rescue myself from the countless gossip at school and at home. Tiring, restless, and tearful, I want to be the girl with her head held high and her sadness filled with joy. Just be calm and watch the fish fly freely in the ocean. However, my last and final wish is to sit by the ocean. To allow the waves to hug my feet and welcome me for another day. I want to follow her and listen to her stories. To be rescued and to live a life of worry-free. I have only one wish that turns out to be a wish with thousands of branches. I have only one wish?!?!?

A time of joy

6 hours!!! That's all you need to make a successful recipe of capes and a big key. Yesterday, I spent most of my time at Deepika's house gluing on the letters "Gunderson" on a fabric so stubborn and irritating. The hot glue wasn't functioning properly so we relied on an old-fashioned candle stick. Frankly the candle stick was very helpful. However after a few minutes the hot glue would dry and peel off of the fabric. "No panic," we said. The hot dripping glue would land on our hands and the screams of pain would fill the room. All the pain and frustration was mended by the help of our friends and family. Yes, I admit that it was frustrating and overwhelming but a friends' smile can melt any sorrow away. It's difficult to understand ones pain and difficult to renovate a lost spirit but taking the time to relax and hang out teaches one the true meaning of friendship. Sometimes I spend my time staring at the walls in my room drowning myself with my own stress and misery. However, as soon as I dial a friends number and talk to this person for hours, all turns out to be well. Laughter and joy fills the room and you realize that the hours have passed by so quickly. Your pain and misery is melted away by the joy in  your friend's voice. Every minute of each day is spent mesmerizing life's difficulty and pain but this can all be forgotten. Just pick up the phone or visit a friend's house. That's the best advice I can give you to all the difficulties in your life and many more. This is the way to restore any agony in your life!!! ; )

Thank you for all those who take the time to be a friends. Your kindness and sympathy is much appreciated.  

A whisper

Lest I take you with me

every part of me.

My heart,

My soul,

My mind,

My destiny,

All wrapped around you.

I walk but tremble

at your words and your beauty.

I can't imagine life

without your love

without your kindness

without your smile.

I spend each day 

looking into your eyes.

Hoping to look deep

within your soul

within your secrets.

Be truthful to me

Don't hide your secrets.

Take me into a world 

where butterflies fly

where ants roam free

and where fish swim freely

without having to worry about the pain,

the death,

the worry,

and the sickness.

Take my hand and rescue me.

Take me to your world,

a world of innocence and purity.

I have nothing in this world

and nobody to love anymore.

We will both be a whisper in the wind.

A friend of the wind

and an unforgettable ally.

Please take me with you

Or see me die along without your love.

Busy bee

Sometimes with such a busy schedule, I can't help but imagine a bee's daily schedule. Bees are constantly working and helping their queen with her usual tasks. What would happen if the bees rebelled? How is it that a bee is programmed not to think? I mean have you ever heard of a bee who refused to produce honey. It is their function and the only meaning of life and survival. A beautiful creature with a goal full of ambitions and determination. The only living thing that does not refuse responsibilities. Always helping the queen no matter how harsh her rules are and how strict she really is. What is it about her that makes bees obey her so? I wish I was bee for one day experiencing the busy life and the chaotic build up of honey in their combs. They spend all day making honey and satisfying a human's needs. Reading Animal Farm, I began to ponder the idea of animals being able to rebel against a human. If they had the ability to do so, would they really carry out such an act? Some animals like dogs, horses, or cows respect their masters in every single way. No matter what happens, these animals behave as if the human owns them, owns their only means of survival. However, couldn't they just take over the world if they are so powerful? Can they really think and if so, why don't they take over already? I wonder...

Hair

After school today, my mother picked me up from school just like any other day. We sat in the car listening to the distant music played by my mother's old car radio. As I listened to yet another song playing by 94.5 KBAY, I noticed a smirk on my mother's face. "I have a surprise for you," she says. Well, you know at this point I was neither excited or nervous because usually when my mother says "surprise" you know there's an awry situation. My mother is not the kind of mother who is excited by any superb news. News, good or bad, is just news. Moving along, the smirk grew into more of a sinister laugh. Before I knew it, my mother was parked in front of a beauty parlor. Well, there's nothing wrong with a beauty parlor but what was awaiting on the inside seemed beyond bewilderment. My mother was planning on cutting my hair and I was unaware of the exact date this was to take place. So, as I stepped in the parlor all the tears were flooding out of me and I couldn't control it. Every cut was like a knife through my heart and in the end my heart seemed to be a crippled organ. My hair was cut short and the length was minimized to an appalling level. As my mother lit up with excitement, my heart began to race again and I took one look in the mirror. "Hmph, it's not so bad," I said. Looking down at the pieces of hair on the ground, I could actually hear each strand whispering my name making be feel guilty as ever. I really miss my hair.

Here we go

So, this is the poem I wrote in the fifth grade. Enjoy.

(Sorry, this was a first draft. I was just beginning to write free verse. Don't mind the hackneyed expressions.)

I will always be there

O little Baby,

A child is born. She looks nice and is cute.

She looks like she wants to cry.

Maybe I can try holding her.

She is calming down

O little Baby,

She is beginning to walk.

The days, months are fleeting and

I think the little baby has to go to school.

It's time for her to leave, to grow, to mature.

O little Baby,

She has finished her education and now she is ready:

to get a job

to find a love

to find a joy

My wish is to see her happiness.

She is ready to get married. Look at her beautiful face

and dress.

O little Baby,

It's time for me to go. I know I love you and wish your

babies would be just like you.

I love you and don't forget me until you have your own  

babies.

: )

A child's dream

English was never the hardest subject for me even though it was my second language. In fact, growing up, I never developed an accent. Everybody in my family has an accent and their jealousy erupts every time I speak. However, reading and writing poems was one of the most despised subjects for me. I remember listening to my fifth-grade teacher as she began to read poetry for the first time. I could barely speak English and know my teacher was teaching us a totally different language. What is the meaning of this? How could poetry be so confusing? I had the most difficult time trying to understand or even write poetry. One day, I was sitting in class listening to my teacher read one of her favorite poems (Shall I compare thee to a summer's day) when she closed the book and smiled. She turned towards the board and began to write our assignment. We were to write a poem describing our mother's love in any way we wanted. You could have imagined my face at the time. Shock! Students began to murmur while tears began to pour out of my eyes. I could not write anything let alone a poem. My teacher told me to "give a try" and "just be carefree." So, I took her advice and began to write random sentences. To my amazement, they began to flow and I could not recognize this ability in my heart. I wrote and I wrote and somehow it just kept making sense. Hesitant, I read my poem in front of the class and watched the expression on my teacher's face. The next words that came out of her mouth changed my view of poetry forever. "You have talent, my child," she said. From then on, poetry is the only means of survival for me guaranteed. 

Help

"To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own."

Abraham Lincoln

Someone once said, "helping is contagious." In fact, help forms in a variety of ways and is appreciated all over the world. Being able to lend a hand and take the time to make a difference in the world is beyond kindness. Growing up in a time of desperation and need, I experienced this need at a very young age. Hunger swept like a hurricane into our lives and destroyed every refuge in our lives. I was only 5-years-old and could not comprehend the fact that food was scarce. There was nothing to do and nowhere to turn. One day we heard a knock on our door. My mother opened the door and began to laugh hysterically. The strangers introduced themselves as the volunteers of the United Nations and wanted to help us. They provided us with food and took care of us. I will never forget their help, kindness, and time because without them my family would never survive. Now, there are countless families who are struggling to make ends meet and are in desperate need of food. Certain organization like the Second Harvest Food Bank is lending a hand to all these families. It doesn't matter what your income, orientation, or race is. This organization helps everybody and does not discriminate against anybody. There are over 175,000 families who are relying on Second Harvest Food Bank to feed their family and protect their loves ones from this economic crisis. An epidemic that destroys every life, every family, and every house it touches.

I wanted to share a very life-touching story with you all today:

"A sudden illness left Stan unable to walk, out of work, and struggling to provide for his family. Even though he recieves an unemployment check and his wife is working, the total is not enough to make ends meet for themselves and their three children. While Stan trains for a new career as a bus driver, he relies on food from Second Harvest to help his family get through this difficult time."

A touching story and an amazing recovery. Life is full of difficulties but time and care can mend every pain in one's heart.

One more

Okay, so I think that this is my last blog for this week. I am kind of thinking about a topic to discuss so bear with me for a while as I babble on about nothing. You know, I enjoy writing blogs each week because it not only helps me express my feelings but also loosen up. I love reading my fellow classmates' blogs because I want to understand their struggle. Being a teenager is difficult especially in the 21st century and I want to be of guidance. I mean my life is not perfect but wouldn't it be great to talk to other people about their struggle? This way maybe I can relate to their problems and we could both try to resolve the difficulties. In my opinion, no blog is worth not reading. If that makes sense.

I just bought a dress for my uncle's wedding in a few weeks and it's pretty. Seriously, I hate shopping for dresses because 1) it's boring and 2) I have no clue what to buy. So, my mother drags me along with her and turns me into a mannequin. She brings me the dresses she thinks are cute and then makes me wear them. I am so glad my mother is not very old-fashioned because I would be dressed in styles of the '80s maybe. When it comes to clothing, I will always receive an F for effort and style. My mother is very ashamed of me because she says that when she was little, her mother did not pick out anything for her. Her clothes were always in-style and she left her friends jealous. I can never be like her. OH, well.

I don't understand

Love is beautiful! I know that! I see that! I have been there! However, sometimes I feel like love makes you want to puke. Today, at the children's section in the library was quite repellent. The reason why is because two teenagers were "making out" (lack of better terms) in the library in front of children. I mean the children don't really understand what's taking place but it intrigues their interest. They are just kids and very very very curious. Countless parents began to complain and came to me for guidance. I did not know what to say and just ended up reporting it to another librarian. She, immediately, escorted the teenagers out of the library. However not before they engaged in an interesting conversation. The teenagers were saying that and I quote, "we are in love." The librarian and I quote said, "not in front of the children." So, this went of for a couple of minutes and the children sought their parents' thought. "Mom, why are they fighting?"

"Is it bad to kiss?" This turned into a controversial argument and I couldn't help but think about their actions; both the librarian and the teenagers. I mean the teenagers were "in love" and wanted to show this devotion to each other. In fact, I was stacking books on the shelves when they began to talk and just kiss each other on the cheek. They were playing with their fingers and giggling at each remark. There was nothing going on! However, I can also understand the parents' concern. The parents did not want their children to see any kind of interaction between men and women after a couple of years. I don't know who was at fault here but I will leave this argument up to the readers. Who do you think was at fault here?

Remember

Remember me

When you walk down the hall.

When you see the light from above.

When you cherish each moment,

by the fire, by the moonlight, by the sun.

Take the time to remember me.

Listen to the wind's whisper.

Crawling through your skin 

and wiping away the fear.

Listen to the ocean and take

her words to your grave.

The secrets nature shares is 

worth remembering.

So, take the time to remember her.

A teardrop on her hands and a needle

in her heart.

A forgotten mistake and a lie 

stronger than the mountain.

A cherished lover whose only decision 

is to take away ones life.

To destroy everything,

To kill everything,

and to erase all doubts.

It's easy to forget

but it's easier to remember.

Remember all the fear, 

all the pain, all the struggle,

all the tears.

A whisper in the wind but a 

shout in the heart.

A curse or a whisper.

It's a decision worth taking.

So, remember me for I am 

your savior and your guider.

Take the time to listen to me

and the take the time to lean on me.

I have the answers and you have the weapon.

Please take the time to remember me...

The secret?!?!?!?

 "Music, the beautiful disturber of air." 

A wise quote that explains the true sense of reality. Music. The rhythm and confidence music has makes every window, door, heart, and even body shake. It's beyond beautiful and beyond truthful. I have been feeling a little under the weather and music has been my only source of survival. I don't care what is on as long as it has a pretty good tune. I don't know how but its magic is mightier than any magician or sorcerer. It is more like a fairy putting one to sleep and tucking away the nightmare that haunts one in the night... A strength one loses and a hope one gives up along the way. 

Rachel, you are so right! Music is amazing and I love listening to anything. My only lullaby and my only love. Read this excerpt by Mark Maxwell about why music is essential:

* Music is a universal language. It inspires common human feelings and bridges gaps between cultures that spoken languages cannot. It brings people together and creates universal community.

* Music inspires and evokes emotion in a healthy way. It touches our emotional being and evokes moods and feelings that are sometimes difficult to express.

* Music enhances learning and makes it more enjoyable. It is scientifically proven that music enhances brain functioning.

* Music creates ambiance. You can use music in any environment to enhance and augment what is already there.

* Music is spiritual. Music is of the spirit and inspirational to the spirit. All religions use music to help express spiritual values, and all religions use music to uplift the spirit.

* Music sparks the imagination. It invokes mental imagery and inner scenery that opens the mind to amazing insight and spans the distance between the stars.

* Music is a simple pleasure: All it takes is your ears and your imagination.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Top-Reasons-Why-Music-Is-So-Important&id=566580

I'm Okay

Hate... As Danielle says, "hate is such a strong." Seriously, it's never been in my vocabulary before but lately I have been using it quite often. Well, technically it's this person in my life and I just can't seem to comprehend the fact that there is something taking place behind my back. I mean a couple of years ago, I didn't even know this person and now he is going to come back into my life. In fact, a few days ago, I heard this news about this person's recent travel and he might be coming to the United States. I haven't seen him in such a long time and he "wants to see me." This hatred in my heart has been exceeding beyond belief and I feel like the fuel is being added. Uncontrollably I am calm and I can't believe it. I mean I hate this person with all my heart, soul, and being. He is the reason behind all my failures and all my distress. There is no commiseration left in my heart for him and yet I am serene? It's ridiculous but I somehow understand this "excitement" you might say. I have been hiding so long and I guess it's time to forget about all the abomination. I guess one can say I'm okay. It's okay to be unkind, it's okay to lie, it's okay to betray as long as you make it up in the end. If this person is willing to apologize and move on, there wouldn't be any hatred left. This is a weird analogy but I think it's like mowing the lawn. You have all this grass overgrown and overflowing but taking the time to mow the lawn makes the meadow look absolutely breathtaking.

I don't hold grudges but if this person fails again, I never ever going to forgive him. There are no third chances in my book and if he can't then it's over. You have no idea how much I have waited for this moment. I mean I may deny it once in a while and act stubborn but deep down I feel different. There's this butterfly in my stomach and every time it hears of a "second chance," it begins to flutter. Spreading its wing and flying through the open space. I believe I need to give the butterfly more space and more comfort. So, I'll wait patiently for more news were peace will be at my door steps. There's a chance...