The secret?!?!?!?

 "Music, the beautiful disturber of air." 

A wise quote that explains the true sense of reality. Music. The rhythm and confidence music has makes every window, door, heart, and even body shake. It's beyond beautiful and beyond truthful. I have been feeling a little under the weather and music has been my only source of survival. I don't care what is on as long as it has a pretty good tune. I don't know how but its magic is mightier than any magician or sorcerer. It is more like a fairy putting one to sleep and tucking away the nightmare that haunts one in the night... A strength one loses and a hope one gives up along the way. 

Rachel, you are so right! Music is amazing and I love listening to anything. My only lullaby and my only love. Read this excerpt by Mark Maxwell about why music is essential:

* Music is a universal language. It inspires common human feelings and bridges gaps between cultures that spoken languages cannot. It brings people together and creates universal community.

* Music inspires and evokes emotion in a healthy way. It touches our emotional being and evokes moods and feelings that are sometimes difficult to express.

* Music enhances learning and makes it more enjoyable. It is scientifically proven that music enhances brain functioning.

* Music creates ambiance. You can use music in any environment to enhance and augment what is already there.

* Music is spiritual. Music is of the spirit and inspirational to the spirit. All religions use music to help express spiritual values, and all religions use music to uplift the spirit.

* Music sparks the imagination. It invokes mental imagery and inner scenery that opens the mind to amazing insight and spans the distance between the stars.

* Music is a simple pleasure: All it takes is your ears and your imagination.

http://ezinearticles.com/?7-Top-Reasons-Why-Music-Is-So-Important&id=566580

I'm Okay

Hate... As Danielle says, "hate is such a strong." Seriously, it's never been in my vocabulary before but lately I have been using it quite often. Well, technically it's this person in my life and I just can't seem to comprehend the fact that there is something taking place behind my back. I mean a couple of years ago, I didn't even know this person and now he is going to come back into my life. In fact, a few days ago, I heard this news about this person's recent travel and he might be coming to the United States. I haven't seen him in such a long time and he "wants to see me." This hatred in my heart has been exceeding beyond belief and I feel like the fuel is being added. Uncontrollably I am calm and I can't believe it. I mean I hate this person with all my heart, soul, and being. He is the reason behind all my failures and all my distress. There is no commiseration left in my heart for him and yet I am serene? It's ridiculous but I somehow understand this "excitement" you might say. I have been hiding so long and I guess it's time to forget about all the abomination. I guess one can say I'm okay. It's okay to be unkind, it's okay to lie, it's okay to betray as long as you make it up in the end. If this person is willing to apologize and move on, there wouldn't be any hatred left. This is a weird analogy but I think it's like mowing the lawn. You have all this grass overgrown and overflowing but taking the time to mow the lawn makes the meadow look absolutely breathtaking.

I don't hold grudges but if this person fails again, I never ever going to forgive him. There are no third chances in my book and if he can't then it's over. You have no idea how much I have waited for this moment. I mean I may deny it once in a while and act stubborn but deep down I feel different. There's this butterfly in my stomach and every time it hears of a "second chance," it begins to flutter. Spreading its wing and flying through the open space. I believe I need to give the butterfly more space and more comfort. So, I'll wait patiently for more news were peace will be at my door steps. There's a chance...

Impossible

He says it's impossible to climb the wall, to dance under the stars, or impossible to kiss the most beautiful girl in the world. I don't believe in the word impossible. It can be done because you believe in this sole purpose. Your heart is strong and the road is closer within your reach. Why risk losing while you are so close to the gift, the dream, and the miracle? Walk, walk, walk and keep your head up high. How much more pain? How much more of these accursed words? I am strong but I have never been so weak before in my life. I can't breathe, I can't hold on, and every move I make there's a strong force beating me down. You know, I pity the tears falling down my face as I mourn over the struggle, the pain. No pain, no gain, but I just can't seem to halt this misinterpretation. The tears are falling because I feel guilty for being affected by this fork in the road. By this mistake, I walk with my head down and ashamed; ashamed of this wrongdoing. Why must I be punished for something I didn't know, couldn't understand or even relate to? It's difficult to live in a world were impossible and rejection is stronger than the mountain. My strength is like the wind; it will never bend the mountain. It will never affect the mountain or respond to its will. Soaring and brave it obeys its master's order and keeps quiet. A shadow and a wretched soul, it walks without complaint, whispers, or guilt. I pity this creature with all my soul. However, when you think about it, I must pity the mountain for being so self-centered. For taking advantage of the wind and bringing every hope, every dream in her heart, down. Impossible. Impossible. Impossible. Impossible. It's impossible to love such a vile creature. Impossible to look upon its face. Impossible to pity this being. I can't, I won't, and I don't believe. My strength and courage will forgive you; someway, somehow I will forgive you. However, now I will give up every hope in my heart and forget your cruel words. Impossible. You are the mistake in my life. IMPOSSIBLE....

The Truth

Today after lunch, my mother, aunt, and I began to discuss relationships and how they fail. After getting in to much conflict with one another we decided to head home. However, my mother started to complain about the fact that we haven't had any mother-daughter time together in a pretty long time. You know when a mother tells you this, some daughters run for their life. "No, pull my tooth out or pull my hair out, just no mother-daughter time." This statement is beyond ludicrous because I love spending time with my mother. She is really funny and comes up with great conversations that don't make me feel uncomfortable at all. So, anyways, we decided to watch a movie. I had heard a lot of great comments about He's just not that into you by fellow classmates and I recommended it as a suggestion. After much deliberation, we chose to watch HJNTIY (my abbreviation for the movie "He's just not...). I am glad I listened to my classmates because this movie was beyond amazing. It discusses relationship problems and how to fix a relationship that's going awry. Especially these days, when parents seem to be getting divorces or separating quite frequently. I have seen so many marriages fall apart in my family and I thought it was clever to produce a movie explaining the flaws of dating. This way a girl doesn't has to wait day and night for a guy's call and spend each and every waking moment staring at the telephone. You can't magically force somebody to call you just because you want them to. I mean if a guy's not calling you, don't bother. There were also the cliches that many female companions shared with their girlfriends like you are too good for him, maybe something happened, maybe he lost your number. These statements make us feel better but deep down it's depressing when you realize the obvious reason. He's just not that into you!! So, girls don't worry about him; there is a "perfect" guy for all of us out there. We just have to keep looking. The good thing is we still have time...

Life is beautiful

Today, while we were watching the movie in Mr. Thompson's class, there was a scene where the main character began to discuss racism with his son. The main character, Guido, and his son, Joshua, approached this store in Italy and on the door, there was a sign that read, "No Jews or Dogs." Immediately, the son felt curious and began to question his father. His interpretation of the sign was quite interesting. He said that people don't feel passionate toward these signs, yet hang them on the doors because they want to. Every store has a sign on the door that rejects business to certain races in the neighborhood. In fact this belief is still used in the 21st century in the United States. In every store, the sign "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone" is prevailing in every city and in every state. However, what I enjoined the most about their conversation was the fact that Guido decides to put up his own sign for the bookstore. "No spiders allowed." In a way, this whimsical irony shows us that no race is superior for every race is bombarded around the world. Each and every race has been hated and misguided once or twice throughout history. I have never seen this movie before but I feel like something tragic is going to take place at the end of the movie. Maybe Guido, his wife, or his son might die because in every movie a happy family is always torn apart by some kind of a tragic event. Now, that I think about it, no movie has ever really had a decent happy ending except for maybe comedy. Of course, the Holocaust will play a major role in this movie because Guido is Jewish and so is his son. Well, I'll have to wait till Monday to see the rest of this movie. 

Hope you are having a good time, Mr. Thompson. 

Lies, deception, or truth

"Don't believe anything you hear." 

"Don't be so gullible."

"Life is full of lies."

"Don't trust others."

So many phrases, so many bullets. Everyday, you are literally brainwashed with these phrases and many more. You are programmed to spend the rest of your life believing what other people say and allowing their words to pierce your skin. You are the glue and everything somebody says, it sticks to you and you can't ever let go. I hear the words everyday from the ones I love and from the ones I hold dear to my heart. Life is a game. The phrases are the bumps in the road that will cause you to turn around and walk back home. Be brave and keep walking. Don't let the worst stop you there. You have come so far, little one, and be strong. I have the secret. The secret that controls every emotion, every doubt, and every dream you must accomplish. The way to go and the task to take. There's nothing so dear to the heart and nothing so strong as the mind. My solution is.... 

Should I be so pleasant? Just give you my answer; men have spent all their lives searching for this answer. I have it right here and I will give it to you for a very special price. A price worth paying and a price worth spending. Give me your soul. Your might, your heart, your desires, your ambitions. I will take care of them and I will keep them for me. However, I must warn you; once you give me your soul you can never have it back. Now, this all sounds preposterous for nothing at all/ nobody at all can hold the meaning of life in their hand. It's beyond ludicrous and beyond one's imagination. However, I have the answer. Life is too short to waste your time so I will pay the attribute. The answer is..................................................................................................

Just live your life. Sorry,  you were expecting a definite answer and I tried. Life's too short to be thinking about what the meaning of life is. If that makes sense. Just live your life and forget about the doubts. Please don't leave in the past. Move forward.

Tears

She cries turbulently and lets a wild roar every once a while. Her voice is like a whisper among the trees and her love is full of devotion. Wondering why the tears have filled her eyes, we gaze upon her beauty. Every droplet of gold is a joy to the plants but a bullet in her heart. Every single minute of the hour, her eyes fill with more tears and the earth is filled with exhilaration. Is it really unbiased to let her suffer? 

No, I am not talking about a real person. This little poem is about the clouds and the tears in their eyes. My mother always says that whenever it's raining outside, she thinks about a lonely teenager who has just broken up with her boyfriend. So, all night long she stays up pouring her depression upon us. However, she loves the rain yet feels sorrow for the lonely teenager who seems to have relationship trouble. I absolutely adore the rain and love the trickling sound it makes as it hits my window. Sometimes, I just want to sit by the window and inhale my various candle fragrances in my room. However, no scent or fragrance can ever measure up to the aroma of the rain. It's absolutely breathtaking and there is no comparison whatsoever. It's like a piece of heaven it being decanted upon us and we are worthy to praise each moment. Even the meteorologist referred to the amount of rain being precipitated as "heavenly and magical." I guess there's something about the clouds' tears that make people feel so comfortable. However being soaked from head to toe during a heavy rainstorm makes the emotion dance away. Then again, a little precipitation never hurt a girl!

Sleepless in San Jose

The movie Sleepless in Seattle has been occupying my mind lately and I don't know the reason why. I think it's because of the lack of sleep I have been experiencing this whole week. Sleepless in San Jose was the best I could come up with. What strains me the most is that I don't really know the reason why I can't fall asleep. Worry, stress, excitement, I don't know. I just don't seem to experience any of these emotions when I think about it. Maybe, it's because I have been going to sleep late and waking up so early that my eyes cannot grasp the idea that I am actually falling asleep. Through the week, I went to sleep at around 1:00 or 1:30 a.m. and woke up at around 5:00 or 6:00 a.m. There was this buzz in my head every time the hand struck 5:00 and I was forced to wake up. So, as soon as my soul came back to earth, it did not want to go back to its regular position and I was forced to keep my eyes open. Every single day this week, this event kept occurring. It bothered me tremendously because I lost track of the days and I was too tired to carry out any duties. I was terribly groggy and my body felt weak after the lack of rest. So, yesterday, I decided to go to sleep at 10:00 p.m. and wake up at around 8:30 a.m. Luckily, I did not experience any buzz in my ear and it was a very peaceful sleep. It's amazing how the human body can react so vigorously after a delay in its resting time. Wow, mighty selfish. Then again, it's my body and this means that I am pretty selfish in myself. Hmm, this requires much thought!

Happy Valentine's Day

"Love is definitely in the air!" There's this feeling that keeps going around and it's not just for couples but family as well. Today, I kept hugging my aunt, grandmother, and mother letting them know how much I appreciate them and love them. Love is one of the strongest emotions. It's always there in your heart, it's always there to cheer you up and it's always there to make the worst days better. I used to think that Valentine's Day was for couples only but it sounds more depressing. What about all the other worthy bachelors and bachelorettes out there who don't have a husband or wife for themselves. Valentine's Day is for every person who has somebody or many people in their life who is very very special. Every valentine's day, I call my family members throughout the U.S. and inform them that my love is stronger than a rock. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't able to experience this feeling in my life. It's majestic and not to mention exquisite. This topic brings me to my next point:

When I was in seventh grade, my English teacher made us read this book titled The Giver. Now, I am not sure if anybody has read this book before or not so I am going to provide the gist. This novel written by Lois Lowry is about an utopian town that takes preliminary steps to rid one of pain. Any kind of pain. The protagonist in this book, Jonas, is selected to inherit the position of Receiver of Memory  in his town (this sounds pretty shocking but in this town anything is possible). "As Jonas receives the memories from the previous receiver-the 'Giver'- he discovers how shallow his community's life has become." In fact, the community retains the process of eliminating pain or emotion by using pills. To them, emotions, mainly romantic love and sexuality is a dystopian. They refer to these feelings as "Stirring." I mean they believe that love will cause pain and it should therefore be eliminated. So, when you think about it every human being in this town does not experience the emotion of LOVE. What's a world without love??? 

Well, in my English class, we decided to hold a debate on whether or not our world should be loveless. Without picking my team or side, my teacher put me in the group where we had to convince him that our world should be loveless. Arguing a point that you don't feel passionate about proved to be quite a challenge for me. However, I was able to come up with pretty good reasonings and win my case. I remember saying that love causes more trouble than contentment. Love is the one who drives two couple to get married and love is then one who betrays them and leaves them stranded. A child all alone, loveless. Love always results in hatred. In any case, when you think about it, this is true. However, I certainly did not feel passionate about any of my arguments. Then again, life is not always fair!

Loneliness

Quiet, calm, and lonely are the words you can describe the environment around me right now. My family members decided to pay our friend a visit and I asked to stay home alone by myself. I am not scared or anything but I do wish for company somehow. Well, it was my own fault asking my family to leave without me but I needed to catch up on some homework. However, before I do so I want to discuss loneliness. What makes the heart feel lonely? Is it the constant ache that appears when there is no one beside you? Every time I feel lonely, my thoughts wander to a world where it's impossible to think about. A place where dreams do not exist, and guilt is your shadow. My brain receives a type of morphine that my body reacts to simultaneously. I can feel the numbness in my hands and the ache in my heart as I ponder about my mistakes and guilt. This feeling is too strong, too broad yet I can't stop thinking. It's as if my hands are tied but my legs are free and I can start running. This feeling on loneliness can go away if I try to do something about it but it's selfish. It's selfish to rid yourself of all the worries that will approach you sooner or later. Ironically, I pick sooner and time itself will not mend my pain. I am thinking and thinking, slowly melting away in my little corner thinking about all the worries. What to do, what to say, it's hard!!!

Sometimes I just want to scream

Frustration, anger, and depression. These are just a few emotions that are overwhelming my brain right now and causing me to feel mute. Yesterday, I came home at around 5:00 and started to get ready for a birthday party. Just then the telephone rang and it was my mother's cousin. She told my mom that her daughter was really sick and she didn't know what to do. It's been a few months since she came to San Jose and English is one of the hardest subjects for her. She didn't assistance and my mother was there to help her no matter what. We didn't to drive to her house and my mother needed my help to get across town. Usually, she can't drive at night and her eyes cannot adjust to the road very well. So she needs an extra pair of eyes to keep her moving forward on the road. I couldn't believe my luck! Right when I was getting ready for a party, an "emergency" was knocking at my door. So, we left immediately and I was hoping to get back in time and leave for the party. Well, the time seemed to be in quite a rush and the next time I checked my watch, it was already 10:00. I can't believe how selfish the hours and minutes can be. I mean when you want the time to go by faster, it will drag on relentlessly. However, after much begging and pleading on slowing it down, it will speed by you faster than a bullet. So, now I am sitting in my room feeling the power of frustration and anger overwhelm me. I want fresh air but looking out the window, somehow, depresses me. I love the cloudy weather but this is the first time in my life, I feel like screaming. The weather seems to feel my pain right now and wants to play coy with me. Well, enough about my troubles!!! How was everybody's weekend???

Droplets of Gold

Rain, rain, rain, please don't go away!!! Rain, it's like droplets of gold falling on your skin and mesmerizing every sense you have. I love walking through the rain and getting the chance to play in the rain was absolutely breathtaking. Running through the mud, getting your hair wet, and feeling your body move like you are marching in the air is beautiful. My feet had a mind of their own and my heart was beating faster than the speed of light. I could feel the rain piercing my skin and blinding me as I ran down the field breathless. Every breath that I took was like a chorus in my lungs. At first I was pretty hesitant because I would get pretty sick soon but right at that moment, I felt like being a kid again. Watching the rain fall and asking your mother why you shouldn't be playing in the mud just like the other kids. I wanted to experience this moment once again and feel the little child in me burst out laughing as I jumped in the puddle. Tears of joy or tears of laughter; you decide. However at the end of the game, I had to go back home. Just like any other child, a pout was carved in my face and disappointment was leaking in every part of my brain. I enjoyed every minute of my time with my fellow teammates. It was a great game and even though we lost, I was still proud do be part of an amazing adventure. I wish the Varsity Soccer Girls luck. Thanks for being part of this amazing journey with me! I got to hang out with my best friend, Dalvinder. 

There

I was there when you first felt lonely,

abandoned, lost, and carefree.

Flying with the wind and letting your hair loose,

Smiling to the sky for dreams would always come true

Blessing each day with a hearty laugh and a stomach full

The days were young and the night was calm

The stars were beautiful, like angels praying to the gods.

I waited and listened cautiously,

Believed I would find you

Believed that you would find me.

All hope was never lost and trust was never vanished.

I waited and waited for an answer

A truth to this pain and a truth behind my mother's tears.

I realized the answer was deep within my heart

A blade piercing my skin and a shield broken.

You were the shield that protected me from the devil's horns

the misfortune and tears.

I had you and everything was so serene.

No matter what I believe, who I believe, or where I believe,

I will never find you

Never seek you

Never hear you

Never find you

For all hope is lost and faith is regained.

Believe me, the thorns are up and the shield is healed.

Without you, everything is going to be thrived.