I'm Okay

Hate... As Danielle says, "hate is such a strong." Seriously, it's never been in my vocabulary before but lately I have been using it quite often. Well, technically it's this person in my life and I just can't seem to comprehend the fact that there is something taking place behind my back. I mean a couple of years ago, I didn't even know this person and now he is going to come back into my life. In fact, a few days ago, I heard this news about this person's recent travel and he might be coming to the United States. I haven't seen him in such a long time and he "wants to see me." This hatred in my heart has been exceeding beyond belief and I feel like the fuel is being added. Uncontrollably I am calm and I can't believe it. I mean I hate this person with all my heart, soul, and being. He is the reason behind all my failures and all my distress. There is no commiseration left in my heart for him and yet I am serene? It's ridiculous but I somehow understand this "excitement" you might say. I have been hiding so long and I guess it's time to forget about all the abomination. I guess one can say I'm okay. It's okay to be unkind, it's okay to lie, it's okay to betray as long as you make it up in the end. If this person is willing to apologize and move on, there wouldn't be any hatred left. This is a weird analogy but I think it's like mowing the lawn. You have all this grass overgrown and overflowing but taking the time to mow the lawn makes the meadow look absolutely breathtaking.

I don't hold grudges but if this person fails again, I never ever going to forgive him. There are no third chances in my book and if he can't then it's over. You have no idea how much I have waited for this moment. I mean I may deny it once in a while and act stubborn but deep down I feel different. There's this butterfly in my stomach and every time it hears of a "second chance," it begins to flutter. Spreading its wing and flying through the open space. I believe I need to give the butterfly more space and more comfort. So, I'll wait patiently for more news were peace will be at my door steps. There's a chance...