Tears

She cries turbulently and lets a wild roar every once a while. Her voice is like a whisper among the trees and her love is full of devotion. Wondering why the tears have filled her eyes, we gaze upon her beauty. Every droplet of gold is a joy to the plants but a bullet in her heart. Every single minute of the hour, her eyes fill with more tears and the earth is filled with exhilaration. Is it really unbiased to let her suffer? 

No, I am not talking about a real person. This little poem is about the clouds and the tears in their eyes. My mother always says that whenever it's raining outside, she thinks about a lonely teenager who has just broken up with her boyfriend. So, all night long she stays up pouring her depression upon us. However, she loves the rain yet feels sorrow for the lonely teenager who seems to have relationship trouble. I absolutely adore the rain and love the trickling sound it makes as it hits my window. Sometimes, I just want to sit by the window and inhale my various candle fragrances in my room. However, no scent or fragrance can ever measure up to the aroma of the rain. It's absolutely breathtaking and there is no comparison whatsoever. It's like a piece of heaven it being decanted upon us and we are worthy to praise each moment. Even the meteorologist referred to the amount of rain being precipitated as "heavenly and magical." I guess there's something about the clouds' tears that make people feel so comfortable. However being soaked from head to toe during a heavy rainstorm makes the emotion dance away. Then again, a little precipitation never hurt a girl!

Sleepless in San Jose

The movie Sleepless in Seattle has been occupying my mind lately and I don't know the reason why. I think it's because of the lack of sleep I have been experiencing this whole week. Sleepless in San Jose was the best I could come up with. What strains me the most is that I don't really know the reason why I can't fall asleep. Worry, stress, excitement, I don't know. I just don't seem to experience any of these emotions when I think about it. Maybe, it's because I have been going to sleep late and waking up so early that my eyes cannot grasp the idea that I am actually falling asleep. Through the week, I went to sleep at around 1:00 or 1:30 a.m. and woke up at around 5:00 or 6:00 a.m. There was this buzz in my head every time the hand struck 5:00 and I was forced to wake up. So, as soon as my soul came back to earth, it did not want to go back to its regular position and I was forced to keep my eyes open. Every single day this week, this event kept occurring. It bothered me tremendously because I lost track of the days and I was too tired to carry out any duties. I was terribly groggy and my body felt weak after the lack of rest. So, yesterday, I decided to go to sleep at 10:00 p.m. and wake up at around 8:30 a.m. Luckily, I did not experience any buzz in my ear and it was a very peaceful sleep. It's amazing how the human body can react so vigorously after a delay in its resting time. Wow, mighty selfish. Then again, it's my body and this means that I am pretty selfish in myself. Hmm, this requires much thought!

Happy Valentine's Day

"Love is definitely in the air!" There's this feeling that keeps going around and it's not just for couples but family as well. Today, I kept hugging my aunt, grandmother, and mother letting them know how much I appreciate them and love them. Love is one of the strongest emotions. It's always there in your heart, it's always there to cheer you up and it's always there to make the worst days better. I used to think that Valentine's Day was for couples only but it sounds more depressing. What about all the other worthy bachelors and bachelorettes out there who don't have a husband or wife for themselves. Valentine's Day is for every person who has somebody or many people in their life who is very very special. Every valentine's day, I call my family members throughout the U.S. and inform them that my love is stronger than a rock. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't able to experience this feeling in my life. It's majestic and not to mention exquisite. This topic brings me to my next point:

When I was in seventh grade, my English teacher made us read this book titled The Giver. Now, I am not sure if anybody has read this book before or not so I am going to provide the gist. This novel written by Lois Lowry is about an utopian town that takes preliminary steps to rid one of pain. Any kind of pain. The protagonist in this book, Jonas, is selected to inherit the position of Receiver of Memory  in his town (this sounds pretty shocking but in this town anything is possible). "As Jonas receives the memories from the previous receiver-the 'Giver'- he discovers how shallow his community's life has become." In fact, the community retains the process of eliminating pain or emotion by using pills. To them, emotions, mainly romantic love and sexuality is a dystopian. They refer to these feelings as "Stirring." I mean they believe that love will cause pain and it should therefore be eliminated. So, when you think about it every human being in this town does not experience the emotion of LOVE. What's a world without love??? 

Well, in my English class, we decided to hold a debate on whether or not our world should be loveless. Without picking my team or side, my teacher put me in the group where we had to convince him that our world should be loveless. Arguing a point that you don't feel passionate about proved to be quite a challenge for me. However, I was able to come up with pretty good reasonings and win my case. I remember saying that love causes more trouble than contentment. Love is the one who drives two couple to get married and love is then one who betrays them and leaves them stranded. A child all alone, loveless. Love always results in hatred. In any case, when you think about it, this is true. However, I certainly did not feel passionate about any of my arguments. Then again, life is not always fair!

Loneliness

Quiet, calm, and lonely are the words you can describe the environment around me right now. My family members decided to pay our friend a visit and I asked to stay home alone by myself. I am not scared or anything but I do wish for company somehow. Well, it was my own fault asking my family to leave without me but I needed to catch up on some homework. However, before I do so I want to discuss loneliness. What makes the heart feel lonely? Is it the constant ache that appears when there is no one beside you? Every time I feel lonely, my thoughts wander to a world where it's impossible to think about. A place where dreams do not exist, and guilt is your shadow. My brain receives a type of morphine that my body reacts to simultaneously. I can feel the numbness in my hands and the ache in my heart as I ponder about my mistakes and guilt. This feeling is too strong, too broad yet I can't stop thinking. It's as if my hands are tied but my legs are free and I can start running. This feeling on loneliness can go away if I try to do something about it but it's selfish. It's selfish to rid yourself of all the worries that will approach you sooner or later. Ironically, I pick sooner and time itself will not mend my pain. I am thinking and thinking, slowly melting away in my little corner thinking about all the worries. What to do, what to say, it's hard!!!

Sometimes I just want to scream

Frustration, anger, and depression. These are just a few emotions that are overwhelming my brain right now and causing me to feel mute. Yesterday, I came home at around 5:00 and started to get ready for a birthday party. Just then the telephone rang and it was my mother's cousin. She told my mom that her daughter was really sick and she didn't know what to do. It's been a few months since she came to San Jose and English is one of the hardest subjects for her. She didn't assistance and my mother was there to help her no matter what. We didn't to drive to her house and my mother needed my help to get across town. Usually, she can't drive at night and her eyes cannot adjust to the road very well. So she needs an extra pair of eyes to keep her moving forward on the road. I couldn't believe my luck! Right when I was getting ready for a party, an "emergency" was knocking at my door. So, we left immediately and I was hoping to get back in time and leave for the party. Well, the time seemed to be in quite a rush and the next time I checked my watch, it was already 10:00. I can't believe how selfish the hours and minutes can be. I mean when you want the time to go by faster, it will drag on relentlessly. However, after much begging and pleading on slowing it down, it will speed by you faster than a bullet. So, now I am sitting in my room feeling the power of frustration and anger overwhelm me. I want fresh air but looking out the window, somehow, depresses me. I love the cloudy weather but this is the first time in my life, I feel like screaming. The weather seems to feel my pain right now and wants to play coy with me. Well, enough about my troubles!!! How was everybody's weekend???

Droplets of Gold

Rain, rain, rain, please don't go away!!! Rain, it's like droplets of gold falling on your skin and mesmerizing every sense you have. I love walking through the rain and getting the chance to play in the rain was absolutely breathtaking. Running through the mud, getting your hair wet, and feeling your body move like you are marching in the air is beautiful. My feet had a mind of their own and my heart was beating faster than the speed of light. I could feel the rain piercing my skin and blinding me as I ran down the field breathless. Every breath that I took was like a chorus in my lungs. At first I was pretty hesitant because I would get pretty sick soon but right at that moment, I felt like being a kid again. Watching the rain fall and asking your mother why you shouldn't be playing in the mud just like the other kids. I wanted to experience this moment once again and feel the little child in me burst out laughing as I jumped in the puddle. Tears of joy or tears of laughter; you decide. However at the end of the game, I had to go back home. Just like any other child, a pout was carved in my face and disappointment was leaking in every part of my brain. I enjoyed every minute of my time with my fellow teammates. It was a great game and even though we lost, I was still proud do be part of an amazing adventure. I wish the Varsity Soccer Girls luck. Thanks for being part of this amazing journey with me! I got to hang out with my best friend, Dalvinder. 

There

I was there when you first felt lonely,

abandoned, lost, and carefree.

Flying with the wind and letting your hair loose,

Smiling to the sky for dreams would always come true

Blessing each day with a hearty laugh and a stomach full

The days were young and the night was calm

The stars were beautiful, like angels praying to the gods.

I waited and listened cautiously,

Believed I would find you

Believed that you would find me.

All hope was never lost and trust was never vanished.

I waited and waited for an answer

A truth to this pain and a truth behind my mother's tears.

I realized the answer was deep within my heart

A blade piercing my skin and a shield broken.

You were the shield that protected me from the devil's horns

the misfortune and tears.

I had you and everything was so serene.

No matter what I believe, who I believe, or where I believe,

I will never find you

Never seek you

Never hear you

Never find you

For all hope is lost and faith is regained.

Believe me, the thorns are up and the shield is healed.

Without you, everything is going to be thrived.