Too much masks in a day.

It's amazing how some people can do so much in a matter of hours or minutes. The Masquerade Ball on Saturday was a true work of art. It was an amazing set up and I was in awe when I first walked in the gym. There was no hint of smelly old socks but the essence of students having fun with friends. So many stars and masks and a heavenly color of blue was plastered all over the gym. At first, I thought that I was in a completely different environment and this wasn't the school I attended. It was different but in a miraculous way and I enjoyed the christmas lights lain on the floor. There were candles in the middle of every table and masks all over the room. The music was amazing, the lights were incredible, and people seemed to be enjoying themselves dancing and taking a break from school. I hate going to a party or dance with my purse and coat with me during the whole party, having to worry about misplacing it or forgetting to pick it up. However, the parents were kind enough to take your belongings and store it in a safe place until the end of the dance. I enjoyed the dance very much and I just want to thank everybody who was involved in setting up the dance and cleaning it up at the end including me. ; ) Just kidding.

Can you handle it?

I realize that it is too much to ask,

too much to reconcile,

too much burden,

too much depression,

but I need to ask.

A whisper on my lips

A secret waiting to flip

But can you handle it.

Close your eyes and hold on to my voice

I have too much to ask of 

I can hear the thump of my heart

The rings in my ear

And the voices in my head

Thump, Thump, Thump

I will ask you again

But can you handle it.

Once more, I ask

It's too late

too late to talk

too late to listen

So I will ask you again

"Will you love me forever?"

Too late to decide now...

"I felt a Funeral In My Brain"

I felt a funeral in my brain,

And mourners, to and fro,

Kept treading, treading, till it seemed

That sense was breaking through.

And when they all were seated,

A service like a drum

Kept beating, beating, till I thought

My mind was going numb.

And then I heard them lift a box,

And creak across my soul

With those same boots of lead, again.

Then space began to toll

As all the heavens were a bell,

And Being but an ear,

And I and silence some strange race,

Wrecked, solitary, here.

Emily Dickinson

* I turned on my computer hoping to write a blog when all of a sudden I remembered to check my messages. There, in one of my messages from my mother, I found a poem that seemed to match the conversation we discussed in English class today. Death. Death is a strong word that is feared by many forgotten by those who are young. This poem by Emily Dickinson describes Emily portraying a funeral in her head. She is imagining the ceremony and feels the "creak" of the box and the bells in the distance. She knows that the end is approaching and she is not afraid to discuss the consequences. 

Every time my grandmother finds about a death that has taken place in the lives of her friends or family members, she just bows her head and says a little prayer. It's this whisper in her voice that fills tears in your eyes and a bullet right through the heart. She simply says, God Bless his/ her soul but these words mimic death no matter where you hear them. Death is a very complicated situation because you never know when it will strike and take away the one thing you love. 

*First Love?!?

Being new to a foreign country was difficult and not to mention extremely uncomfortable. I didn't know directions nor addresses and the weather had an exotic feel to it. The first day of school was one I could never forget. Walking through the halls, I felt the walls threatening me and suffocating me until all my blood was rushing to my head. Before I knew it, my lungs had a mind of their own and my tears flowing down the bumpy streams I called my face. My legs were two sticks following the wind as I trembled and begged my mother to stay. I was in the fourth grade in the United States, and needed a hand to guide me through a path. Lost in my thoughts, I felt a hand pull me up the stairs to my class. Twitching I dragged my feet to the front of the class and stood near the teachers' desk. I managed to read the name but it did not sound familiar. She introduced me to the class and every eye was a like fire burning my skin and I was forced to look away. My face turned the color of my shirt and snickers blasted through the classroom. She pointed to an empty seat near a short, blonde, and petulant boy whose name read "Abraham" on the name tag. His skin was pale and his hands were a golden-brown. His hair was slicked back on his head like pure gold in a waterfall flowing down majestically. I had never seen such beautiful eyes before; the color of the sea couldn't have been more heavenly and I stared hypnotized. He had a soft, rosy cheek with dimples that made ones heart melt and disguised his obstreperous manners. I remember smiling but my face kneaded into an alarming expression.

"Hi," the blonde child said.

"Uh, hi", she said.

"My name is Abraham. If you need any help, just let me know," he said.

As the months flew and the seasons began to change, I developed a close bond towards him. He was obnoxious and a teacher's worst nightmare but the words "I like you" were in my heart and I actually liked him. Every time he touched my hand, butterflies began to flutter their wings in my stomach and the hair on my hands began to rise and reach the stars. My family loved him and his family loved me. It was the perfect match and I thought it was too good to be true. I was the shy, trembling, and troubling little girl but he like me for me. He said he would marry me when we grew up and I held on to these words like a little child and her favorite toy. We were friends for 2 years but what happened next bruised me permanently. 

It was the sixth grade dance and it was the perfect excuse for girls to spread their rumors like bloodsuckers on ones skin. I stood away from their cruel words and began to daydream about my dance with him like Cinderella. The fairy godmother had the perfect dress for me and I had the glass slippers for the ball. Carefully and calmly, I took a deep breath and approached him. It was recess and the day was still young. 

"Hey, what's up??" he said.

"Um, would you, um, go to the dance with me? I mean I am going with friends and I am pretty sure you are too but maybe we will see each other there and dance. If you don't want to, I mean if y---" she said.

"You are asking me out? I am sorry but I don't date ugly, geeky nerds." he snickered.

I could not believe these words could be thorns piercing my heart. Tears flew down my face and I urged to control their anger. I could not be crying in front of him and showing my pain for he would  laugh on the inside and show pitiful sympathy. Of course, he begged for my forgiveness but I lied. I said I would forgive him eventually but his words were too cruel and I never wanted this to happen ever again.

I have said many times before that I did not have a first love because I couldn't imagine my first love being this cruel.  I never shared this story before but it was time to release the unnecessary anger I hold dear in my heart.

P.S. Mr. Thompson, I hope that you still trust me. I did not want to share this story but I guess there's nothing really to hide. 

2009 Golden Globe Awards

Every year the popcorn gets popped, family members jump on the coach and it's a great excuse to stuff your face. Yes, it's that time of the year again! The Golden Globe Awards. My family and I have never missed the Live Golden Globe Awards. It's a family tradition and we enjoy this premiere on E!. 

Laughter fills the room and screams of joy dance around. From the ooh's to the ahhh's and booooh's, we cuddle up in front of the television and just hang out together just for the heck of it. When my family and I lived in Los Angeles, we used to drive around Beverly Hills but it was always crowded so we were forced to drive around the block many times. So, frustrated, we used to retire to our house and gather around the television until our eyes turned that of a blossomed rose during spring. This year "the Golden Globe is rocking E!" as Ryan Seacrest puts it and I can't wait to see some of my favorite celebrities. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button seems to come up in every conversation and I think that it will win many awards soon.  

Leisure

Leisure is a man's best friend just like a dog or any other companion. Taking the time to relax and clear your mind after a busy week helps me (actually, now that I think about it, it helps EVERYBODY) let loose and be calm. This week was a bit stressful for me and my family because of some rumors taking place. In my culture, rumors are like a pies in one's face. They are so random and you cannot control the direction they travel. This time the pie landed directly in my family's face. I know whatever they said was not true and some people did not believe it but then again it was just plain rude. So anyways, this weekend we tried to be rebellious and didn't really go anybody's house. Usually our neighbors call us over on Saturday but today they knew how we were feeling and decided to leave us alone. I spent the day relaxing and catching up on some important paraphernalia and it was the best leisure time in a long time. I don't like doing nothing for my leisure time because I feel like I might be missing on some important duties. So, I spend the time making a schedule and following it step by step until the end. 

Well, I hope that everybody is having a good weekend....

It's time

Well, school's approaching us soon and there's just so much going on for second semester. I always hear from my teachers that second semester passes by so quickly but sometimes it feels like eternity. Of course, it's difficult to go back to school after a relaxing vacation but life is all about action. You can never relax and be lazy for so long because there is so much going on. Spending time with my family and hanging out with my loved ones seemed exciting and fun but I knew that it would end soon. I wish it wouldn't end but in this world, everything has an expiration date. However a few more days of relaxation wouldn't be that bad. For example, my cousin won't go back to school till January 15th. I wouldn't mind being in his position but summer for him starts July 2nd. So, it all works out in the end when you think about it!!!! Well, I am just going to enjoy the last few hours of freedom and get ready for school. Sundays are not really my "days" because there's just so much to think about. Every body will be groggy on Monday but as the days pass all will forget about their vacation and get used to waking up early.